Pain As A Pain Reliever



As A



by Tanisha Eileen Hamelin


Pain as a Pain Reliever by Tanisha Eileen Hamelin

Pain as a Pain Reliever is a poem about exactly as the title says, using pain for pain relief. It may seem like an oxymoron but for someone who struggles with self injury, they know far to well that it isn't. What happens with self injury is that it becomes an addiction, because like anything, its a form of relief. Relief from a pain that is hard to describe but still not any less real. I struggled a lot in my lifetime with self injury, its stamp is all over my life. I wrote the beginning of this poem admist the struggle, and the end I wrote after, I guess you could say. Instead of being about something uncontrollable its become something to beat, and I did. 


Pain as a Pain Reliever by Tanisha Eileen Hamelin


Its hard when you know your going insane

conflicts to resolve, yet its all in vain


Apart of me knows there is no point to the pain

But the feeling turns around on me, i’m the cause little remains


It boils up inside me, every attack, no holding back

trying to hurt me I give up, I can’t compensate for what I lack


My own mind becomes your words and i’m drawn to the hate

Your anger becomes my anger multiplied by ten, in a rage, irate


Hurt becomes my goal but in a much more visible way

It doesn’t surprise me crazy is what everyones got to say


The pain is a reminder of what I'm feeling, how I should feel

A habit that plays like a never-ending reel


I don’t get it, you don’t, so what can I do

I could take a pill and cure myself but I know, you know, its not that simple, simply not true


In the future I may look back, say I only really needed that

But right now and for too long i’ve unintentionally evaded that track


The pain is comfort, mixed up, the only realness I like to feel

Cuz what will help me I don’t know but the pain serves a purpose, that’s how I can deal


I don’t want you to hurt me and I don’t want to hurt myself

Sensitive, out of balance, imperfect and fragile

All words that can represent me and the state of my health


In a flash I can switch, strong, free willed, smart and even happy

To self loathing, angry, a feeling much stronger than just crappy


I don’t know how to cure myself but I want to not for your sake

If there is one thing my self harm has taught me is to not care about myself first is the biggest mistake


So i’ll keep trying and searching, happiness and peace, my goal

There’s nothing better than the expression of me, completely whole


I’ve striped myself bare, beyond even naked

for better or worse, i’ll get there, a lifelong commitment of the most sacred


to me, myself, and I, I promise, to find the point of it all

to discover, i’m still here, in spite of all the walls


There has to be more to my existence, the pain I feel can’t be it

I’ll fill that hole, it won’t kill me, and I won’t quit


By Tanisha Eileen Hamelin, Started 2010 finished 2017

Share This Page

More Poetry

Recent Blogs

Book of Positive Aspects of July 2017, the summer months make it easy to feel good because all you have to do is sit outside

What is the law of attraction? an in depth explanation to help you understand what it is and how to use it.

Book of positive aspects May 2017 document the positive aspects I found in my life that put me in a good mood for the month of May.

My Twitter Feed

Privacy Policy

I use google ads on certain pages on my website. I include information about what that means for you in my privacy policy.

Contact Me

Use the form to get ahold of me if you have any questions or concerns.